Thoughts on being alive

watching Into the Wild and eating orange otter pops and brown rice for dinner and making art and living with a guy who wears striped socks
= being alive.

The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.”
— Chris McCandless


p.s. Babas, can we make one of these?

Ive kicked a fish!

In case youve ever wanted to know if ive squished barefoot through mud or gone streaking, here you go. :)

Have you ever?
Level 1
() Smoked A Cigarette
(x) Smoked A Cigar
(x) Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex

SO FAR: 2

Level 2
(x) Are / Been In Love
(x) dumped someone
(x) Shoplifted
() Been Fired
() Been In A Fist Fight

SO FAR: 5

Level 4
(X) Had A Crush On An Older Person
(x) Skipped Class
() Slept With A Co-worker
(x) Seen Someone / Something Die

SO FAR:8

Level 5
(x) Had / Have A Crush On One Of Your Facebook Friends
(x) Been To Paris
(x) Been To Spain
(x) Been On A Plane

SO FAR:12

Level 6
(x) Eaten Sushi
(x) Been Snowboarding
() Met Someone BECAUSE Of Facebook
(x) Been in a Mosh Pit

SO FAR: 15

Level 7
() Been In An Abusive Relationship
(x) Taken Pain Killers (Tylenol counts)
() Love/loved Someone Who You Cant Have
(x) Laid On Your Back And Watched Cloud Shapes Go By
(x) Made A Snow Angel

SO FAR: 18

Level 8
(x) Had A Tea Party
(x) Flown A Kite
(x) Built A Sand Castle
(x) Gone mudding (offroading)
(x) Played Dress Up

SO FAR: 23

Level 9
(x) Jumped Into A Pile Of Leaves
(x) Gone Sledding
(x) Cheated While Playing A Game
(x) Been Lonely
(x) Fallen Asleep At Work / School

SO FAR: 28

Level 10
(x) Watched The Sun Set
(x) Felt An Earthquake
() Killed A Snake

SO FAR: 30

Level 11
(x) Been Tickled
() Been Robbed / Vandalized
(x) Been cheated on
(x) Been Misunderstood

SO FAR: 33

Level 12
(X) Won A Contest
() Been Suspended From School
(x) Had Detention
(x) Been In A Car / Motorcycle Accident

SO FAR: 36

Level 13
(x) Had / Have Braces
() Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) Danced in the moonlight

SO FAR : 39

Level 14
(x) Hated The Way You Look
(x) Witnessed A Crime
() Pole Danced
(x) Questioned Your Heart
() Been obsessed with post-it-notes

SO FAR: 42

Level 15
(x) Squished Barefoot Through The Mud
(x) Been Lost
(x) Been To The Opposite Side Of The World
(x) Swam In The Ocean
(x) Felt Like You Were Dying

SO FAR: 47

Level 16
(x) Cried Yourself To Sleep
(x) Played Cops And Robbers
(x) Recently Colored With Crayons / Colored Pencils / Markers
(x) Sang Karaoke
(X) Paid For A Meal With Only Coins

SO FAR: 52

Level 17
(x) Done Something You Told Yourself You Wouldn't
(x) Made Prank Phone Calls
(x) Laughed Until Some Kind Of Beverage Came Out Of Your Nose
(x) Kissed In The Rain

SO FAR: 56

Level 18
(x) Written A Letter To Santa Claus
(x) Watched The Sun Set/ sun rise With Someone You Care/Cared About :)
(x) Blown Bubbles
(x) Made A Bonfire On The Beach or anywhere

SO FAR: 60

Level 19
() Crashed A Party
() Have Traveled More Than 5 Days With A Car Full Of People
(x) Gone Rollerskating / Blading
(x) Had A Wish Come True
() Been Humped By A Monkey

SO FAR: 63

Level 20
(x) Worn Pearls
() Jumped Off A Bridge
(x) Screamed "Penis"
(x) Swam With Dolphins

SO FAR: 66

Level 22

(x) Got Your Tongue Stuck To A Pole/Freezer/ice Cube
(x) Kicked A Fish
(X) Worn The Opposite Sex's Clothes
(x) Sat On A Roof Top

SO FAR: 69

Level 23

(x) Screamed At The Top Of Your Lungs
(x) Done / Attempted A One-Handed Cartwheel
(x)Talked On The Phone For More Than 6 Hours
(x) Recently stayed Up for a while talking to someone you care about

SO FAR: 73

Level 24

(X) Picked And Ate An Apple Right Off The Tree
(X) Climbed A Tree
(x) Had/Been In A Tree House
(x) Been scared To Watch Scary Movies Alone

SO FAR: 77

Level 25
(x) Believed In Ghosts
(x) Have had More Then 30 Pairs Of Shoes
(x) Gone Streaking
() Visited Jail

SO FAR: 80

Level 26
(x) Played Chicken
(X) Been Pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
(x) Been Told You're Hot By A Complete Stranger
() Broken A Bone
(x) Been Easily Amused

SO FAR: 84

Level 27
() Caught A Fish Then Ate It Later
(x) Made A porn video/got asked to make one
() Caught A Butterfly
(x) Laughed So Hard You Cried
(x) Cried So Hard You Laughed

SO FAR: 87

Level 28
(x) Mooned/Flashed Someone
(x) Had Someone Moon/Flash You
(x) Cheated On A Test
(x) Forgotten Someone's Name
(x) French Braided Someones Hair
(X) Gone Skinny Dipping
(x) Been Kicked Out Of Your House
(x) Tried to hurt yourself

SO FAR: 95

Level 29
(x) Rode A Roller Coaster
(X) Went Scuba-Diving/Snorkeling
(x) Had A Cavity
(x) Black-Mailed Someone
() Been Black Mailed

SO FAR: 99

Level 31
(x) Been Used
(x) Fell Going Up The Stairs
() Licked A Cat
(x) Bitten Someone
(x) Licked Someone

SO FAR : 103

Level 32
() Been shot at/or at gunpoint
() Had sex in the rain
() Flattened someones tires
(x) Rode in a car/truck until the gas light came on
(x) Got five dollars or less worth of gas

TOTAL: 106

Summer and Christmas

I like summer. I like Christmas too, but I really like summer. I like spending time with my love and making things and having time to cook, and OHHHH I love running now too. Brandon Heath is a great trainer, having me jog during the chorus of his songs and powerwalk during the rest. Im a beginner; im sure once I start listening to Casting Crowns during my runs the workout will be much more intense. I literally lay in bed waiting for the sun to come up so I can go run.
Anyway, today I decided I want to teach kindergarten. The good news is that everytime I change my profession it is roughly along the same lines. Kids, and helping them be darling human beings.
And my house is turning into a home. Slowly but surely. Oh and seeing my friends again makes the world a whole lot better. I love them all the way to the tips of my toes.

Dreamy

Last night in the car I started thinking about my "dream life." Like, the one that I have never thought about before, because, I dont know, fear or deeply rooted psychological issues or or or. Anyway, here it is, for documentations sake.

So hopefully someday ill look back and say, "Dang, I dreamed so small."

I want to live by the beach (like biking distance), preferably in California, in a somewhat small, old, house that we have fixed up ourselves. One with a space for a garden and room for a hammock or tire swing in the backyard, preferably. Oh, and I want beach cruisers, or a tandem.

And, yeah, okay, I want 5 million kids, but ideally, I'd like to have three or four of our own and adopt a couple too. Really. My heart breaks and beats for adoption. AND since this is my dream life, im going to go ahead and say that i'd like two or three girls and a boy we made ourselves. And two adopted babies. African American and South American ones. And I want to raise our children to know that they are infinitely loved, accepted, and wanted, by God and by us. I want them to grow up knowing that they have a purpose and place in this world. And I want to let them eat ice cream for breakfast sometimes and keep them home from school every once in a while so we can play with chalk or build sandcastles.

And I'd like to work in full time ministry. Preferably as a staff person for a church or for Younglife Capernaum ministries. Something ideally to do with people with disabilities or youth ministry. I really just want use my life to show people how much God loves them.

And I want to be happily married to Omar for all the days of my life. I want to grow with him and because of him and continue to journey through this life together. I want him to do what he loves and have a job that gives him purpose and meaning. I want him to know the importance of his role as the father to our children, and I want to see him grow in his love for Christ and people. I want us to be more in love at 75 then we are now.


Proverbs 19:21
Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.

and thats all that really matters anyway.

Her, here, too.

So, its her here.

You know, the girl who has been missing for the last year or two.

The girl who was afraid to be herself because of,.... no reason. Just afraid, I think. Too many people to impress. Anyway, just wanted to let you (myself) know that im baaaaaaaaack, or at least im trying to get back. And quite possibly will get back, because summer has a way of making me very, very, alive. I am currently redefining "home," both literally and spiritually. Its pretty intense. I get to spend my days "finding myself" and creating and loving humans and isnt that what the hokey pokey is really all about anyway? Hopefully I learn to cook and I make lots of cool stuff out of other peoples trash, and hopefully if I suck at both of those things, I dont beat myself up for it. I just really want to be the best part of myself, all the time, and there have been times where I have been but then they go away, and I just want them to stay. So, I invited them to hang out for the summer, and just be. By the way, I love you. I hope the fact that i've been a selfish, stuck-up, lazy, too busy, crazy for a little while hasnt scared you off. Sorry.

A tribute to Jessica

I have waited for the appropriate time to do this tribute, and at 3:45 this morning, the time was right.

My best friend, Jessica, and I have known eachother for six years. Our friendship started off rough because she tried to steal my life when I was in Europe, or so I thought. She started hanging out with my closest friend at the time, which was actually a godsend. Through some careful manipulation on His part, Jessica and I ended up hanging out. The first time we spent time together one-on-one, we emptied all the change out of my car, went to Denny's, bought milkshakes, and played board games.
We did outlandish, spontaneous, childish, wonderful things everytime we hung out. (Still do)
She is the only person I have ever known who would accompany me in buying a unicorn kite at eleven o'clock at night, take it to the park, and fly it while running through the sprinklers and blasting Spice Girls from the car stereo.

Jessica is the kind of friend every person dreams of having.

She is my sister forever and easily the best friend that I have ever had; in six years, her loyalty and love has not run out or grown weary. Not even once.


She has stood by my side in each and every joy and challenge, embracing them as her own but providing endless encouragement and support.

She is the most genuine, candid, caring, human being in the world, and anyone who has ever crossed her path can vouch for that.



And this morning, she got engaged to a wonderful young man who is absolutely perfect for her. Mostly because they have a cumulative height of about 9 feet. Just kidding.

Jess, thank you for being you.

worth a thousand words

I dont know how I found time to do this, but it has been pretty therapeutic. and really fun. and there is no other reason.


1. a picture of you in your room.

(clearly not my actual room, but a pretty accurate display of what my room usually looks like. )

2. a picture with someone you don't actually like.



3. a picture of you very drunk.

(I realize that it said very drunk, but I dont remember the last time I got very drunk and took pictures of it. Or got very drunk at all. So here is one of me about to get very dunked. Hope that counts.)

4. a picture of you on your birthday, or your favorite holiday.



5. the youngest picture you can find of yourself in digital form.




6. a picture of you in one of your favorite outfits.




7. a picture of you making a goofy face at the camera.




8. a picture you miiiiiight have edited to make yourself more attractive.






9. a picture of a night you regret.




10. a picture of you truly being yourself.




11. the most recent picture of you.


12. a picture of you being absolutely ridiculous.




13. a picture of you showing off a new haircut/color.


14. a picture of a time in your life that's over, but you wish it wasn't.




15. a picture of a time in your life that's over, and you couldn't be more thankful that it is.



16. a picture of you when you were anything but happy...



17. a picture of you that you had no idea was being taken.



18. a picture of you when you were a different person than you are now.



19. a picture of you with someone you love.




20. a picture of how you'd like the world to see you.



21. a picture that describes how you'd like to spend every day.



22. a picture of a time when everything was changing.



23. a picture that makes your heart hurt.



24. a picture that makes your heart smile.



25. A picture of one of the best nights of your life. (or day)



Okay! It's your turn. I want to see your 25. 1,2,3 GO!