Santa, Satan, and the church that stole Xmas

the battle looms within me, plaguing my every thought. i am constantly reminded of the decision i have to make, we have to make. after knowing all i do now, after the many many things that have been revealed to me, will i still choose myself over what i know is better?

and this is what i know: i know that i desperately want to love people in a way that they understand. more than anything i want people to feel special and adored. and so, in the past, ive bought the most elaborate gifts that i could afford, trying to be as thoughtful and impressive as possible, in hopes that maybe the people i love would have The Best Christmas Ever.

and that cant happen, because theres all these things that have been haunting me.

first off, the most elaborate gifts i can afford this year, are not at all elaborate. were in a transition place in our lives, desperately trying to hoard as much money to pay for college as we can because were are almost done but it currently costs us almost $6,000 a semester, and neither one of us has a solid job. we also have a house to pay for, bills to pay, a broken down car, traffic tickets, and credit card debt.

secondly, many of the people we love can give themselves far more than we could give them.

third, I feel like bath sets, candles, and other things that could be bought anywhere for anyone by anyone are impersonal and obligatory and oftentimes they dont display our love for eachother or for Christ.

the church i go to looks EXACTLY like a church should look around christmas time. there is a christmas tree with tons of presents underneath for kids who wouldn't have any otherwise, the entire stage is covered in water bottles that are going to be filled with change to build a well that will bring life, and hopefully eternal life, to 5,000 people, and under the giant cross is more nonperishable food than i have ever seen in my life. ever. in my whole life. in the back is a huge box filled with hygiene products, and there is this feeling of its not about me looming in the air.
and i love it.

so im taking the its not about me approach, and knowing that means its not about how much i spend on anyone else either. it will take self-control not to buy my sister the Ed Hardy hat of her dreams, but hopefully whatever i do end up giving her will last longer than that hat ever could.

so, this christmas, im going to do my best to give the most thoughtful, homemade, loving gifts possible.

worship fully, give more, spend less, love all.

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