Friday, February 26, 2010

fight or flight

im really really really ridiculously good at falling in love. like, an expert. i have hurt many a people because of this ability to fall deeply in love, and complete lack of skill in staying there. i used to call it the four month rut. i would date someone for 4 to 5 months before i was overwhelmed with boredom and the desire to have constant butterflies in my stomach would take over and i would begin the cycle of falling in love all over again.

luckily for omar, he proposed at 5 months. and married me 7 months after that. i never had a chance to end the cycle because it was just too exciting. almost 3 years into this and he still has me wrapped around his finger. he is so unpredictable and passionate and comfortable and wild and it makes it so easy to stay on my toes while still keeping my feet firmly planted on the solid ground that he has provided. 

i dont really think that being skilled in falling in love is a good trait anymore. it doesnt take much to see someone at their best and love them. this commitment thing though? this is intense. this is the real "cant eat, cant sleep, reach for the stars, world series kind of stuff." we get to dream big dreams together, and then actually live them out. we bought a camera. it belongs to us. we have alot of things that belong to us. both of us. this is still new to me. im independent and wayward and im not very good at sharing. oh and im a runner. in special education we learn about kids like this; kids that cant handle stress or pressure so they (literally) run from situations that are too much for them. thats me. i get that. 
i guess this is kind of all over the place. and i guess i dont really care. i never want to forget the journey. i never want to forget what it feels like to grow up. or how i felt in the early years of our love, knowing that we chose to grow up together and watch our itty bitty dreams turn into big realities. 

{oh, weve got a long, long way to go to get there,
yeah, we'll get there}