my darling young life girls

This morning Becca walked into the class that i'm substitute teaching:

I cant go to class

Why not?

Its wet outside

Well you can't stay in here

But you let Annnndie stay in here...

And you know what? I did let Andie stay and I let Becca stay too, because im a sucker and people don't last forever and spending time with Andie and Becca is more important than having them do thanksgiving word searches in their classes. Being a Younglife leader has probably been the most incredible experience of my life. I started doing YL so that I could show highschool kids a better way to live life, to be a positive influence to them, and ultimately lead them into a relationship with their Creator. But, the truth is, they've taught me way more than I'm sure i've ever taught them. Because being a younglife leader is like being a big sister, and a mom, and a best friend, and a pastor, and a teacher, and a doctor, and a substitute who lets kids ditch in her class even though its against every rule in the book.
More times than not, these kids are my saving grace, and as much as theyve broken my heart, theyve put it back together and left it in better condition than before. Kendal's boldness for the gospel, and Jess's sincerity, Becca's honesty, and Claudia's repentant heart, Stefanie, who surprises me everyday with her choices (like deciding to be a special ed teacher, and working hard to get there) and Andie and Liz who arent afraid to ask questions and seek answers. And then there are "kids" that have graduated and gone on to do INCREDIBLE things for the cause of Christ, like Katie the girl who discovered a love for kids with disabilities on top of the zipline at Lost Canyon, and is now using her life to touch theirs, who taught me what it means to be a Younglife leader. Or Jill who challenged me heart and soul every step of the way and has now brought me to tears more times than I can count because of her absolute love for Jesus and desire to be His hands and feet to the world, the girl who dreamed of going to Africa her whole life and is leaving this week to share the love of God with the people of Africa. Or Meg, who's heart is unmatched and who's voice is that of an angel, the girl who has been to hell and back, but chooses to fight against the resistance and desires to be a glorious light to the world. Or the countless other kids from both Coronado and Sierra Vista, who have forced me to examine who I am and who Jesus is, and have brought me to where I am now, and are going to leave the fingerprints of Jesus all over their worlds.

Because the last four years of my life have been filled with turkey bowling, panty-hose faced, peanutbutter licking, highschool kids who have taken up almost every tuesday and thursday night, and frankly I wouldnt change it for anything. To see God's children that were wandering in the wilderness and have now found comfort and love in the person of Jesus and have discovered who God has created them to be, and to know that God allowed me to be even a little part of that leaves me speechless. Worth it, absolutely worth it.

As a preteen I had a hard time conforming to the patterns of my friends' celebrity crushes. I was never one for JTT and my "I love Leo" poster only lasted a few weeks. In the spirit of thanksgiving, i've composed a complication of really ridiculously good looking guys that have dominated my walls and my heart for as far back as I can remember:


Orlando Bloom- Pirates


Adam Garcia- Coyote Ugly




Tom Welling- Smallville




Adam Brody- The OC


Michael Rady- Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants


Adrian Grenier- Drive Me Crazy







Omar Garcia- Husband Extraordinaire

And I am thankful. Not because my husband is the sweetest, funniest, most intelligent, most genuine, most tender-hearted, best lover ever created...but because he is also hands-down, the best looking man i've ever known. And I just need to thank God for gracing my life, and this planet, with his existence. Because, cmon, how many girls are lucky enough to wake up every morning to this?:

you might not finish reading this blog

I'm not sure how to write about vampire love stories, soul-searching, feeling small, Becca, ignorance, overwhelming love, coffee, big churches, and pensions, all in the same blog.

There is a certain meaninglessness that has been plaguing my soul the last few days. The whispers of how insignificant this life is in the whole scheme of things has made me feel so pointless, and yet purposeful? I don't know, just trying to figure out what to do with the time ive been given. Twenty something funerals later, I understand how valuable life and people are. I get that humans are made to be eternal, and when that is taken away people freak out and get all emotional, until a few months pass and everything is normal again.
In the course of the world there have been almost 125,000,000,000 people that have walked the planet. The earth in reference to the entire milky way galaxy is this size: .
The milky way galaxy in the scope of the entire universe is even smaller. And my life, your life, is one of one hundred and twenty five billion little dots on that dot planet on that dot galaxy in this giant universe, and that makes feeling small an understatement.
So, we run around in our little lives trying to do something, anything, to give ourselves meaning. And I guess I feel hopeless, and hopeful too? Conundrum. Its really got me thinking about why God would create humans in the first place, and wondering more about why He made me. There is no doubt in my mind that there is a reason. Francis Chan wrote this interesting piece of literature called Crazy Love, which is quickly making its way onto my top ten list, because its really jacked me up inside. And ive asked myself 58235787 times the same question, what am I living for?






"In about fifty years (give or take a couple decades) no one will remember you. Everyone you know will be dead. Certainly no one will care what job you had, what car you drove, what school you attended, or what clothes you wore. This can be terrifying or reassuring, or maybe a mix of both."-Francis Chan