you might not finish reading this blog

I'm not sure how to write about vampire love stories, soul-searching, feeling small, Becca, ignorance, overwhelming love, coffee, big churches, and pensions, all in the same blog.

There is a certain meaninglessness that has been plaguing my soul the last few days. The whispers of how insignificant this life is in the whole scheme of things has made me feel so pointless, and yet purposeful? I don't know, just trying to figure out what to do with the time ive been given. Twenty something funerals later, I understand how valuable life and people are. I get that humans are made to be eternal, and when that is taken away people freak out and get all emotional, until a few months pass and everything is normal again.
In the course of the world there have been almost 125,000,000,000 people that have walked the planet. The earth in reference to the entire milky way galaxy is this size: .
The milky way galaxy in the scope of the entire universe is even smaller. And my life, your life, is one of one hundred and twenty five billion little dots on that dot planet on that dot galaxy in this giant universe, and that makes feeling small an understatement.
So, we run around in our little lives trying to do something, anything, to give ourselves meaning. And I guess I feel hopeless, and hopeful too? Conundrum. Its really got me thinking about why God would create humans in the first place, and wondering more about why He made me. There is no doubt in my mind that there is a reason. Francis Chan wrote this interesting piece of literature called Crazy Love, which is quickly making its way onto my top ten list, because its really jacked me up inside. And ive asked myself 58235787 times the same question, what am I living for?






"In about fifty years (give or take a couple decades) no one will remember you. Everyone you know will be dead. Certainly no one will care what job you had, what car you drove, what school you attended, or what clothes you wore. This can be terrifying or reassuring, or maybe a mix of both."-Francis Chan