the purse-uit of happiness

this is the purse that i got for christmas- (hi tia!!!!) and havent put down since. its safe to say that i am obsessed with it and it is becoming an idol. kidding. kind of. it just so happens to match almost everything, and everywhere i go people tell me how wonderful it is and ask where i got it and i have no idea which is awesome.
anyway, ive been addicted to the patterns and have painted them on canvases and i am considering decorating my downstairs bathroom to match my paintings of my purse. weird.obviously the hunt is on for beautifully colored, textured, possibly printed, but totally mismatched bathroom accessories. in addition to those, we have the COOLEST yellow antique mirror and shelf that was purchased by my wonderful mother-in-law hanging in our bathroom.

ahh, the joys of nesting, minus the child looming in the future. let the preening begin.

Gentle people with flowers in their hair

there are two things i like about living in vegas:
1. knowing my way around. kind of... i can get lost anywhere, here it just happens less often.
2. my people. it would be extremely difficult to not live near the people that carry my heart around in theirs. i remember the voids of australia 2006, and how hard it was to be without my best friends... i decided that i would never do it again. where you are is so meaningless compared to who youre with.

however

i feel like there is a part of me that belongs in San Francisco. heres the thing, ive never actually been there (i went to europe for two months once and told my dad i had gotten a job at international pool in san francisco so that he wouldnt worry about me being 18 and in a foreign country completely by myself...i didnt tell him the truth until a year ago.)



so, all i know of san fran is my false stories of alcatraz and haight ashbury. beyond that, my dreams have weaved pictures of what being there would be like; a world of class and style mixed with culture, oh so much culture, and art and music and natural beauty and created beauty and see? im lost in it again.

i feel like omar and i are made to live here. oh, what i wouldnt give to look out my window and see the Full House set, spend time with hippie bums and shop at eclectic stores with graffiti art on the windows, have a home that doesnt look like an exact mold of every other house in the city, and to be able to rollerblade down the sidewalk with our fingers intertwined and our lungs full of fresh air.

I left my heart
In San Francisco
High on the hill
It calls to me.
To be where little cables cars
Climb halfaway to the stars!
The morning fog may
chill the air.
I don't care!
-Frank Sinatra

one of my very favorite stories

The Starfish Story

by Loren Eiseley (1907 - 1977)

Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.

One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.

As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.

He came closer still and called out "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?"

The young man paused, looked up, and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean."

"I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man.

To this, the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die."

Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!"

At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, "It made a difference for that one."

if these walls could talk

if anyone could tell the story of my life, it would be the walls of Coronado High School. if the school had ears, or hidden sound devices (which is entirely probable), the stories these walls would tell would be my greatest testimony.

i graduated from here after spending every waking moment of 2002 and 2003 here. and now, i sit at a teachers desk, threatening referrals and encouraging kids to make better choices and for heavens sake, do their crossword puzzles, dangit.

if these walls could talk i would be out of job, because within these walls.... oh man.
within these walls i made out with myles raymond between classes, and lied to avoid tardy lockouts. i pranced around in clothes that were half my size, and wrote award winning essays about Tartuffe. i took sleeping pills in biology and copied cole stafford's homework in u.s. history. i talked back to my teachers and refused to do my homework. i fought with my boyfriend over love notes i wrote to other guys, and within these walls i discovered that whitney was my very best friend. i spent almost 9 hours a day at this school, rehearsing for plays and memorizing lines. i wrote test answers on my chuck taylors and got caught sleeping in the back of josh's truck during class. i got awards, and i got detention, but mostly, i grew up.

because in these halls i watched my theater teachers eyes fill with tears as i told her about my newfound relationship with God. i prayed in the storage room for every show or performance i ever did, and i ditched class to read my bible in the sound booth. within these walls i experience my first heart break, my first love, my first sense of accomplishment.

it was within these walls that i sat in shock with my classmates as we watched september eleventh unfold, listened to the radio broadcast of the U.S. invasion of Iraq, and watched Barack Obama speak in the football field three days before he was elected president of the United States.

this place has been filled with people that i have loved with all of my existence. there have been teachers that have shaped my life and there have been students that have taught me to be the kind of teacher that shapes lives. within these walls i have learned almost everything i know about being a teacher, a friend, a speaker, a student, and a person.

Coronado High School, thank you for being one of the few constants in my life.

austin and the rabbit hole

when i was in high school, i had a friend named Austin. he would do things like carry me from k-mart to starbucks when my feet hurt and drive me home from school any chance he got. he was big and bulky and sweet and gentle and so eager to love people. one time we did a scene together for the Nevada State Thespian conference. we won some kind of award for our performance in "the creepy rapist scene that austin sucked at because he refused to violently throw me into a chair," seriously. he was terrible at being mean, even when he was acting.
once, austin was driving me home from school when he pulled over behind my house. we were facing the sunset, and for the first time in my life, i thought about who God was, partly because austin refused to take me home until i watched the sun set and talked about Jesus. this was the first appearance of the teeny-tiny mustard seed that would eventually grow up to be my enormous faith in Jesus Christ. that night, we talked about who i thought God was, and who God actually was. we talked about why someone would want to have a relationship with God. we talked about how much God loved people, and for the first time, i believed it. i had seen it in austin.
a few years later, omar and i were planning our wedding. we were short one groomsman. fortunately, austin, in all of his shy and timid glory, volunteered to complete our wedding party. actually, austin told omar that since they had been friends since elementary school, (which they had), he had a right to be in the wedding and didnt care what we had to say about it.
he was fitted for his tux the next day.
among other parts of his character, austin loves the lord. austin is the boldest spokesperson for Gods Love that i have ever encountered. he believes fully in Gods mercy and restoration, and abides in that. he also enjoys hitting on omars mom, and telling omar that to call him "dad." =

for the last month, austin has been in prison. he made a mistake that will cost him the next three years of his life. his family and friends are devastated. the truth is, austin is going to turn the prison upside down. here are some excerpts from a letter he sent us:

"I miss you so very much. Things are as joyful as they can be in The Big House. As much as I wish I could be with you guys, I know that my purpose is more valuable here. I have been blessed so abundantly that people around me are shocked of my joy."

"I thought to myself that there was something that I wasnt doing right or some sin holding me back. But it wasnt until prison that God touched my heart into seeing that there is nothing that I can do to receive His holy spirit, His spiritual gifts are free and He gives them freely."

"So all this happened in jail. I have been in the fruits of the spirit and since then God has been using me. I just wrote this letter to share my joy with you. Never think that God doesnt have more to show you- the rabbit hole always goes deeper. I miss you and I love you. Pray for my ministry here. Only 27 months left.
-Austin"

2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.