Saturday, June 6, 2009


Last night in the car I started thinking about my "dream life." Like, the one that I have never thought about before, because, I dont know, fear or deeply rooted psychological issues or or or. Anyway, here it is, for documentations sake.

So hopefully someday ill look back and say, "Dang, I dreamed so small."

I want to live by the beach (like biking distance), preferably in California, in a somewhat small, old, house that we have fixed up ourselves. One with a space for a garden and room for a hammock or tire swing in the backyard, preferably. Oh, and I want beach cruisers, or a tandem.

And, yeah, okay, I want 5 million kids, but ideally, I'd like to have three or four of our own and adopt a couple too. Really. My heart breaks and beats for adoption. AND since this is my dream life, im going to go ahead and say that i'd like two or three girls and a boy we made ourselves. And two adopted babies. African American and South American ones. And I want to raise our children to know that they are infinitely loved, accepted, and wanted, by God and by us. I want them to grow up knowing that they have a purpose and place in this world. And I want to let them eat ice cream for breakfast sometimes and keep them home from school every once in a while so we can play with chalk or build sandcastles.

And I'd like to work in full time ministry. Preferably as a staff person for a church or for Younglife Capernaum ministries. Something ideally to do with people with disabilities or youth ministry. I really just want use my life to show people how much God loves them.

And I want to be happily married to Omar for all the days of my life. I want to grow with him and because of him and continue to journey through this life together. I want him to do what he loves and have a job that gives him purpose and meaning. I want him to know the importance of his role as the father to our children, and I want to see him grow in his love for Christ and people. I want us to be more in love at 75 then we are now.

Proverbs 19:21
Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.

and thats all that really matters anyway.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Her, here, too.

So, its her here.

You know, the girl who has been missing for the last year or two.

The girl who was afraid to be herself because of,.... no reason. Just afraid, I think. Too many people to impress. Anyway, just wanted to let you (myself) know that im baaaaaaaaack, or at least im trying to get back. And quite possibly will get back, because summer has a way of making me very, very, alive. I am currently redefining "home," both literally and spiritually. Its pretty intense. I get to spend my days "finding myself" and creating and loving humans and isnt that what the hokey pokey is really all about anyway? Hopefully I learn to cook and I make lots of cool stuff out of other peoples trash, and hopefully if I suck at both of those things, I dont beat myself up for it. I just really want to be the best part of myself, all the time, and there have been times where I have been but then they go away, and I just want them to stay. So, I invited them to hang out for the summer, and just be. By the way, I love you. I hope the fact that i've been a selfish, stuck-up, lazy, too busy, crazy for a little while hasnt scared you off. Sorry.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

A tribute to Jessica

I have waited for the appropriate time to do this tribute, and at 3:45 this morning, the time was right.

My best friend, Jessica, and I have known eachother for six years. Our friendship started off rough because she tried to steal my life when I was in Europe, or so I thought. She started hanging out with my closest friend at the time, which was actually a godsend. Through some careful manipulation on His part, Jessica and I ended up hanging out. The first time we spent time together one-on-one, we emptied all the change out of my car, went to Denny's, bought milkshakes, and played board games.
We did outlandish, spontaneous, childish, wonderful things everytime we hung out. (Still do)
She is the only person I have ever known who would accompany me in buying a unicorn kite at eleven o'clock at night, take it to the park, and fly it while running through the sprinklers and blasting Spice Girls from the car stereo.

Jessica is the kind of friend every person dreams of having.

She is my sister forever and easily the best friend that I have ever had; in six years, her loyalty and love has not run out or grown weary. Not even once.

She has stood by my side in each and every joy and challenge, embracing them as her own but providing endless encouragement and support.

She is the most genuine, candid, caring, human being in the world, and anyone who has ever crossed her path can vouch for that.

And this morning, she got engaged to a wonderful young man who is absolutely perfect for her. Mostly because they have a cumulative height of about 9 feet. Just kidding.

Jess, thank you for being you.