Without you

 Since my birth 8786 days ago,

My heart has beaten more than 910828800 times.

 Since your birth 4555 days ago,

Your heart has beaten more than 472262400 times.

You.

Everything that I always wanted to be but never was.

And somehow still, everything I am.

But mostly, everything you are.

 How in the world did I live 4231 days without you, little sister?

Opacity and the man i love

The sweetest love is to see right through everything and into his soul. To see past his masks, short-comings, flaws, and mistakes and into the deepest places of his heart, and still be completely enamored with him.

I believe that is why the love of God is so miraculous,

fully known,

and yet;

fully loved.

I think you're an awesome girl

Thanks to that sweet girl, Quenchant of the Curious, for this blog award:

which requires 10 useless/interesting facts about me:

1. One time I lived off of just Nutella and bread and box wine for an entire week in Paris.

2. I have a ten inch horizontal scar on the left side of my body.

3. I kissed 25 boys before I met my husband, and I have them written down in chronological order. Eww.

4.  I ran before I walked and I walked before I crawled, which has made me terribly uncoordinated.

5. I like peanut butter, mayonnaise, banana, raisin sandwiches.

6. Recently I developed an addiction to any and all hair products that smell like pumpkin.

7. I know more than half of the Hannukah prayer for lighting the menorah. I also know the preamble to the constitution by heart. 

8. I don't call my husband by his name, nor does he call me by mine. We are both just "Baba," and always have been.

9. This weekend I spent $14 on 4 shirts and 2 pairs of pants, all brand new, all with pricetags of more than $20.

10. I recently stopped taking birth control because it was ruining my life, and now my hub and I are navigating through natural family planning. Birth control was so much easier.

And now, I pass this award onto Roed Book, Chelseaamberrobbins, and Making Memories.

<3<3<3

Thoughts on grace

"He has a single, relentless stance toward us: he loves us. He is the only God man has ever heard of who loves sinners. False gods-the gods of human understanding-despise sinners, but the Father of Jesus loves all, no matter what they do. But of course this is almost too incredible for us to accept. Nevertheless, the central affirmation of the Reformation stands: through no merit of ours, but by his mercy, we have been restored to a right relationship with God through the life, death, and resurrection of his beloved Son. This is the Good News, the gospel of Grace" -Brennan Manning

beautiful mess

this constant
unnerving
restlessness
that creeps into every blessed moment
the discomfort in the
comfortable
and ongoing slight detachment
from the present
everything
everything
to feel less
homesick.
looking around
knowing what was
intended to be,
desperately trying
to clean up the mess
that weve made.
that ive made.
its not that im ungrateful
for the way youve transformed my very being
for your word that has held me tightly
for the patient beating heart in the bed next to me
for the strands of friendship that are not quickly broken.
its just that i see a world
desperate
for You
and hearts shattered on the floor
and im running around trying to salvage as many as possible,
knowing that its useless
but its worth it.
you made this beautiful mess
and planted in the midst of the misery
a garden of dandelions
and with your breath
you use every seedling from every stem
to scatter your love,
until you return to reclaim your flowers
and set the captives free.
until then, i long for you every moment
and pray that your kingdom come
your will be done
on earth,
as it was intended.

Allie Garcia
January, 2008

the day i got a new mac/how God changed everything in three months

it started off like any other day. i woke up, made out with my hub-a-lub, got a potentially life changing phone call, chose the easy road, struggled and prayed. if you told me three months ago that my life would look the way its going to this semester i would have laughed in your face and told myself that it would never be that good. but, it is that good. He is that good. He has taken my mourning and turned it into dancing, he has taken the prayers i lifted up into the cool air of fall 2006, prayers that i thought evaporated into the night sky, and answered them. not on my timing. not the way i planned. but He is faithful, and all of my wildest dreams are coming true. including, but not at all limited to, my favorite president of all time buying me a mac. maybe it isnt panning out exactly like that, but government funding for poor, young, married kids is not scarce, and neither are student loans, and i'd like to thank my prez for blessing me with a new! working! computer! that doesnt shut off! and actually charges! (Hi, Obama, Hi!)

 in reality though, God is doing big, big, things that are alot more relevant to the transformation of the universe than new computers and He is letting me be a part of it. which makes me cry alot. usually in the shower. it is really a miraculous thing to pray numerous prayers that you thought were going unanswered and then have them all answered at once without any effort of your own. were going to yogurtland now.

soon i will write a post on "how i spent my summer vacation/ life without your own computer for three months"- stay tuned. <3

2 years and counting

Some things i've learned from being married to Omar for exactly two years (and dating him for exactly three):

- It's okay to call a timeout in the middle of an argument, cuddle all night, and resume said argument in the morning.

- It is absolutely vital to pursue what youre about, figure out whats in your guts.

-whip cream is pretty good on any kind of cereal, particularly lucky charms.

- purple curtains are a good accent color for an all beige and black room.

- its okay to be a human being, and not just a human doing.

- its actually really important to just be. not do. just exist.

-like, vital to life.

-for a house to be cute, it doesnt have to have word art all over it.

-there is more value in having several close, healthy, relationships than many many surface ones. 

-sushi is only good with wasabi.

-a person can learn how to do almost anything. 

-marriage is really really hard.

-marriage is also the single most magnificent relationship any person can be a part of.

-beer doesn't always taste like throw-up.

-there is absolutely, positively, no amount of grace that can be considered too much. 

-hobbies are important. whether it be golf or remote-controlled airplanes or plastic cameras, pursue your interests. 

-it is remarkably difficult to overcome habits that you have lived with for years, it is also totally possible. 

-panic at the disco does not suck.

-when mopping the floor, make sure you mop it twice to avoid streaks.

- soy sauce makes everything taste better.

- being married is like having a slumber party with your best friend every single night of your freaking life.

- love is only true love if it is absolutely unconditional. this is not a feeling, but a choice. to choose to love someone unconditionally means to look past absolutely everything they have or dont have to offer and to look into the depths of their soul. this kind of love can overcome arrogance and anger, jealousy and greed, pride, addiction, selfishness, boredom, and self-righteousness. and it has. 

Happy 2 year birthday to our love! Heres to at least another 75 years!