Thursday, January 7, 2010

like a werewolf, only not at all.

i am the happiest girl in the world. most people would say that. most people would say that i am obnoxiously joyful all the time. and i am, its whats in my guts.
but those same people dont see me 1-2 hours before i go to sleep. because i morph into a grumpy, hopeless, crazy person. im not really sure what happens in my brain, and i think its because im tired, and it used to not affect anyone but me.
but.
then i married this guy who has to hang out with me. specifically during the 2 hours before bed. and i take it all out on him. almost nightly.
how can you love someone more than life itself and completely hate their freaking guts twenty minutes later???
okay, thats an exaggeration. but still. its really annoying to be married to me when im tired because im a heartless grump.
and then i wake up the next morning singing and giggling at butterflies, and hes like wtf? you wanted to die last night.
which makes no sense to me when im happy. like, sounds like hes crazy because how could i be SO happy, but so miserable 14 hours later?
anyway, that is my weakness. and there is a certain enemy who attacks right at that time. this nagging feeling of misery that isnt even real and why do i keep listening, when i KNOW whats true?
conundrum.
end rant.

2 comments:

autumn said...

I get it. I do that too, not nightly but daily certainly (I am just so crazy that there is no rhyme or reason to the time of day!). I have to pray against it when I first feel those thoughts coming on. Or just plan your bible reading for just before the two hours starts....hang in there. It sucks to be attacked daily, and it really sucks for our spouses, but He can overcome!

my name is lauren. said...

i know i have my crazy biznatch moments too. poor craig. more often i'll just start crying about random crap and craig's like, "huh? what?" and i can't even explain. and then all is well in the morning. jesus will help you get better at this.

i'll be praying for you girly!