Monday, May 18, 2009

How to lose five pounds in 3 days without working out

Step 1- Plan a trip to California with your BFF to see your friend graduate.

Step 2- Get some weird sniffles and sneezes the day before you leave. Take some allergy medicine. Feel dizzy and weird. Attribute it to the allergy medicine. Sleep.

Step 3- Wake up early on Friday morning, packed and ready for the ultimate beach weekend.

Step 4- Drive to California. Create the best playlist ever. Enjoy spending quality time with your best friend. Sneeze some more. Take some more allergy medicine. Feel dizzy again. Sneeze so much so that your beach pictures start to look more like this:

than like this:

Step 5- Feel dizzy and awful, but go to IKEA and let your BFF push you around in a wheelchair. Go to her uncle's house.

Step 6- Once at your best friend's uncle's house, ask for a thermometer. Discover that your temperature is almost 104 degrees. Feel shaky and delirious and awful.

Step 7- Stay up most of the night with horrible pain, awful fever, and chills. Have your best friend take care of you all night. Cry.

Step 8- Wake up. Feel a little better. Decide to go to the graduation. Wait 5 minutes. Feel awful again. Decide to make the four hour drive home.

Step 9- Scrunch yourself up into a ball for four hours. Whimper a little. Feel too hot and too cold.

Step 10- Get home. Cry. Cry more. Call your husband. Demand that he come straight home. Call your mom to come take care of you for the first time in your adult life.

Step 11- Take 1284932 baths to reduce your fever. Debate going to the hospital. Throw up everything. Take fever reducer. Throw it up. Throw up some more.

Step 12- Feel so so so so so grateful for your mom and best friend and husband.

Step 13- Repeat for two days. Eventually develop a croup like cough, go to the doctor, find out that you have an ear infection, throat infection, chest infection, and dangerously low pulse.

Step 14- Spend 15 minutes whining on your blog so you can document such an eventful weekend.

Step 15- Wish that you were still doing this:


Jessica said...

I'm sorry you got so sick!!! I really think you caught it from wretched van man. Clearly he gave it to you. If I ever see him again, I will throw several gummy bears at him, don't worry.

Rebecca Louise. said...

Eugh! How awful to be ill!!! Hope your're better! xoxox.