I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
That You would take my pain away
I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crookedly lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands
When You walked upon the Earth
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right
Yea, one day You will set all things right
When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands
Your hands
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still
When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave You when...
When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave...
I never leave Your hands
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Thursday, September 2, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
do you love it?
one of my earliest, most vivid, memories is from first grade. i dont remember who my friends were or the specifics of what i learned, but i vividly remember a very special person who spoke truth into my life at a very early age. she was a janitor (or maybe a campus monitor or teachers aide of some kind?) at my elementary school. i remember very little about her, other than the fact that she was a middle aged african american woman (i only remember this because i was at a time in my life where i desperately wished i was black. not kidding.) who smiled alot. i was five years old, and younger than many of my peers. i remember a shirt she wore that had comic book writing all over it. while she was overseeing the kids on the playground, i walked over to her and told her that i liked her shirt. she laughed and asked why. i told her that i thought it was funny. she laughed again and asked how i knew it was funny, because no one had read it to me. i explained to her that i liked (LOVED, more than anything) reading, and i already knew how to read. from that day on she called me "little miss i can read everything i see."
each day after that she would greet me in the morning with my nickname and would bring something for me to read out loud to her. i looked forward to seeing her everyday.
one day, she and i were standing out by the busses and the kids with special needs arrived. i had a friend who was in a wheelchair (who probably also had some mental disabilities, but i didnt notice that at the time). i remember interacting with my friend, and after she rolled away i vividly remember the janitor lady looking me in the eyes and saying, "Honey, looks like you've got a gift. You will be a fabulous special ed teacher someday."
i firmly believe that a seed was planted in my heart that day, twenty years ago.
i have met countless "janitor ladies" in my life. the girl that used to manage the rubios down the street who treated every single customer with such kindness that it was apparent that the light of christ shined through her, my 6th grade bus driver who played worship music and told me about god and how much he loved me, my mother in law who cleans houses for the elderly, all people who have embraced their profession and chosen to use it to glorify god.
anytime i meet a new person and they tell me what they do for a living, i always ask the same question: DO YOU LOVE IT? the answers are shocking. ive met multimillionaire CEOs who say that they hate what they do, and girls who work the night shift for the drive thru at jack in the box who say that they love their job and wouldnt trade it for anything. people are clearly capable of loving almost anything. as i look at the upcoming school year and the apprehension i have about teaching at a new school to a new population of kids, i want to choose to have the attitude of love. i want to wake up every morning and decide to love what i do, the people that god has placed in front of me, the trials that will grow me, and the time ive been given to do exactly what god is calling me to this year. because next year, he could be calling me to scrub toilets or meet with the leaders of the united nations or make french fries, and the only thing that will matter at the end of my life is what i did with the time he gave me.
each day after that she would greet me in the morning with my nickname and would bring something for me to read out loud to her. i looked forward to seeing her everyday.
one day, she and i were standing out by the busses and the kids with special needs arrived. i had a friend who was in a wheelchair (who probably also had some mental disabilities, but i didnt notice that at the time). i remember interacting with my friend, and after she rolled away i vividly remember the janitor lady looking me in the eyes and saying, "Honey, looks like you've got a gift. You will be a fabulous special ed teacher someday."
i firmly believe that a seed was planted in my heart that day, twenty years ago.
i have met countless "janitor ladies" in my life. the girl that used to manage the rubios down the street who treated every single customer with such kindness that it was apparent that the light of christ shined through her, my 6th grade bus driver who played worship music and told me about god and how much he loved me, my mother in law who cleans houses for the elderly, all people who have embraced their profession and chosen to use it to glorify god.
anytime i meet a new person and they tell me what they do for a living, i always ask the same question: DO YOU LOVE IT? the answers are shocking. ive met multimillionaire CEOs who say that they hate what they do, and girls who work the night shift for the drive thru at jack in the box who say that they love their job and wouldnt trade it for anything. people are clearly capable of loving almost anything. as i look at the upcoming school year and the apprehension i have about teaching at a new school to a new population of kids, i want to choose to have the attitude of love. i want to wake up every morning and decide to love what i do, the people that god has placed in front of me, the trials that will grow me, and the time ive been given to do exactly what god is calling me to this year. because next year, he could be calling me to scrub toilets or meet with the leaders of the united nations or make french fries, and the only thing that will matter at the end of my life is what i did with the time he gave me.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
a shark bit her arm off!
so, yesterday i was an extra on the set of CSI las vegas.
i know, i know, please no autographs.
it was so much fun! mostly because we got free food and got to stand around in bathing suits all day. and i got to go down a slide through a shark tank. seriously. i also got paid to go swimming and drink water out of martini glasses. so, there was that. and that was great.
i think celebrities are funny. i hope i never have to be one. i would not not not want to ever do that for a serious living. the networking and superficiality is just too much for me. i can stand behind caution tape pretending to gawk at a girl who "had her arm bitten off my a shark" and try not to laugh, but thats definitely as far as i want to go in show biz. besides, i know pat sajak, and he is about as star struck as i get.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
tres
so, we've officially been married for three years! which is, woah, i've never committed to anything for that long, so i'm pretty stoked about it. marriage is hard and imperfect and has grown us both leaps and bounds and we have overcome so much and we still have so much to overcome and the longer we are anchored in our love, the deeper the anchor gets. our roots are reaching deeper and deeper as we continue to build our foundation, and we also still really like eachother.
for our anniversary, as with all july 29ths for the past four years, we went to california to spend sunset on the beach. and here is a recap, because i'll forget and i really, really dont want to forget:
we woke up, and drove to get anniversary gas, ate anniversary mcdonalds, drove to california with no music, just eachother. we bought alcoholic lemonade and cigars. we never used the cigars, but i accidentally got drunk. we peed in the ocean. we laid in the sun. we ate really fancy pizza with artichokes on it. we watched the sunset from a lifeguard tower. we got free cookies from our awesome priceline hotel! we went in the crowded pool at the hotel, and froze a little bit. we ordered room service ice cream, but fell asleep halfway through eating it. we woke up the next morning and relived our waterpark glory days at wild rivers waterpark. i almost died on rides several times. omar is very brave and went on every single ride and never almost died or yelled that he wanted to get off. my favorite ride was watoobie! i just liked saying it, i think. we shared dippin dots by a gumball machine. then, we went to a very fun mall and read books at urban outfitters and ate fries and drove home. and lived happily ever after.
samuel stoddard wrote this in a book, and i think it is very very very very very accurate:
Sometimes we don't say a word
We snurkle under fences
We spy secret places
If I am a goofus on the roofus hollering my head off
You are one too
If I pretend I am drowning, you pretend you are saving me
If I am getting ready to pop a paper bag,
then you are getting ready to jump
That's because you really like me
You really like me, don't you
And I really like you back
And you like me back and I like you back
And that's the way we keep on going every day
And I like you because if we go away together
And if we are in Grand Central Station
And if I get lost
Then you are the one that is yelling for me
"Where are you?"
"Here I am"
I like you because I don't know why but
Everything that happens is nicer with you
I can't remember when I didn't like you
It must have been lonesome then
I like you because because because
I forget why I like you but I do
So many reasons
I don't know why
I guess I don't know why I really like you
Why do I like you
I guess I just like you
I guess I just like you because I love you
for our anniversary, as with all july 29ths for the past four years, we went to california to spend sunset on the beach. and here is a recap, because i'll forget and i really, really dont want to forget:
we woke up, and drove to get anniversary gas, ate anniversary mcdonalds, drove to california with no music, just eachother. we bought alcoholic lemonade and cigars. we never used the cigars, but i accidentally got drunk. we peed in the ocean. we laid in the sun. we ate really fancy pizza with artichokes on it. we watched the sunset from a lifeguard tower. we got free cookies from our awesome priceline hotel! we went in the crowded pool at the hotel, and froze a little bit. we ordered room service ice cream, but fell asleep halfway through eating it. we woke up the next morning and relived our waterpark glory days at wild rivers waterpark. i almost died on rides several times. omar is very brave and went on every single ride and never almost died or yelled that he wanted to get off. my favorite ride was watoobie! i just liked saying it, i think. we shared dippin dots by a gumball machine. then, we went to a very fun mall and read books at urban outfitters and ate fries and drove home. and lived happily ever after.
You know how to be silly
That's why I like you
Boy are you ever silly
I never met anybody sillier than me till I met you
I like you because you know when it's time to stop being silly
Maybe day after tomorrow
Maybe never
Too late, it's a quarter past silly
That's why I like you
Boy are you ever silly
I never met anybody sillier than me till I met you
I like you because you know when it's time to stop being silly
Maybe day after tomorrow
Maybe never
Too late, it's a quarter past silly
Sometimes we don't say a word
We snurkle under fences
We spy secret places
If I am a goofus on the roofus hollering my head off
You are one too
If I pretend I am drowning, you pretend you are saving me
If I am getting ready to pop a paper bag,
then you are getting ready to jump
That's because you really like me
You really like me, don't you
And I really like you back
And you like me back and I like you back
And that's the way we keep on going every day
And I like you because if we go away together
And if we are in Grand Central Station
And if I get lost
Then you are the one that is yelling for me
"Where are you?"
"Here I am"
I like you because I don't know why but
Everything that happens is nicer with you
I can't remember when I didn't like you
It must have been lonesome then
I like you because because because
I forget why I like you but I do
So many reasons
I don't know why
I guess I don't know why I really like you
Why do I like you
I guess I just like you
I guess I just like you because I love you
Saturday, July 24, 2010
sam
my mind flashed back, simultaneously taking in every moment in front of me, yet, remembering a similar incident, four years before. my heart, still with wonder, and in awe of the parallels. had four years really gone by? four years ago, in this same place, my heart was transformed as i watched a man my age help his friend with down syndrome prayerfully battle his fears, inhibitions, and insecurities, so that he would somehow get from the top of the zipline, to the bottom, and learn to trust God along the way. one of the single most defining moments of my life.
fast forward almost exactly four years: she couldnt speak. she had almost no voluntary muscle movement. she had already stretched me far beyond my comfort zone in only 3 short days. we couldnt get her to smile all week. a little smirk here and there, but no real smiles. she was capable, but refused. this broke me to the core. i had never done this before; taken kids with special needs to a younglife camp for a whole week. all i wanted to do was love her, to serve her well. i didnt expect much, because a smile was literally all she could offer, but it was all i needed to keep going.
fast forward almost exactly four years: she couldnt speak. she had almost no voluntary muscle movement. she had already stretched me far beyond my comfort zone in only 3 short days. we couldnt get her to smile all week. a little smirk here and there, but no real smiles. she was capable, but refused. this broke me to the core. i had never done this before; taken kids with special needs to a younglife camp for a whole week. all i wanted to do was love her, to serve her well. i didnt expect much, because a smile was literally all she could offer, but it was all i needed to keep going.
the interns brought out the forklift with a handmade basket. we got in. first her, in her wheelchair, then me, then the two interns. as we were lifted up into the sky, my heart raced. "are we really going to put a non-verbal quadriplegic girl barreling through the sky on a zipline that lands in water?" we stood at the top, looking down. i was shaking as i fastened her helmet. they clipped her into the device that was made for situations like this, you know, situations when God calls people to stop at nothing to make sure that every kid has the opportunity to experience all that life has to offer, even if they physically "can't." we began to open the gate on the forklift. we called down to the bottom to let them know that she was on her way down. then, as we began to release her, her neck had a spasm, which caused her entire upper body to shift out of the device. we pulled her back. "we can't do this. i can't do this. it isn't safe," one of the interns said. we prayed. we asked God to show us what to do as as we began to unfasten her gear. "a chest harness!" one of the interns yelled suddenly. "throw up a chest harness!" so, one of the property staff from below threw a chest harness high up in the air. the intern caught it! they began to fasten her in again. we prayed. my mama bear instincts kicked in. she was strapped in safely, and ready to go. i turned to the more hesitant intern, "is the risk worth it? i feel like she is going to love it, but is it worth it? are you one hundred percent sure she will be okay?" we prayed. he replied, "i feel one hundred percent sure that she'll be fine." we prayed again, this time with her. she had been sitting so patiently, loving all of the attention, but probably entirely unsure of what was about to take place. my heart was beating out of my chest as they radioed down to our friends in the water letting them know that we were sending her down and to be ready to catch her the second she hits the water. tears filled my eyes as i pleaded with God to protect her. we opened the gate and began to let go again. this time, we completely let go. she started to sail through the sky, and from three feet away from us, an enormous smile spread across her face. she began to squeal with delight. she was joyful! and beaming! and i looked at the interns next to me who were wiping tears from their eyes. totally worth it.
Monday, July 19, 2010
off we go into the wild blue yonder
so, heres
about one of the very best days of our life.
wheel of fortune!
so amazing. i cant tell you every little detail, but it may or may not involve every prayer answered and feeling overwhelmed with love, support, upcoming adventures, and, well, ive said too much. you can watch the video above, or watch us on february 11, 2011.
our life is so fun! and i got a side hug from pat! and free candy all day long! and we got some little light up wheel of fortune buttons too. could life get any better?
Thursday, June 24, 2010
bugs love me
bugs are addicted to me. they are my number one fan. exhibit a, b, c and d:
I havent had a true bug attack since our honeymoon. until today, when i woke up and noticed that there are at least 11 bug bites on my body from being out by the pool yesterday. why do bugs think im so delicious?
I havent had a true bug attack since our honeymoon. until today, when i woke up and noticed that there are at least 11 bug bites on my body from being out by the pool yesterday. why do bugs think im so delicious?
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