today's sermon was about remembering, so i spent the last half hour looking through my old blogs and realizing a few things.
first, i don't feel like an alien anymore. i spent so much of the last 7 or so years feeling like i was from another planet. the tension between following Christ and having my own way was so intense, and it made me have a perpetual feeling of being homesick. i am not sure which changes have made this feeling less relevant, but i feel like i'm exactly where i'm supposed to be. i still have moments where i hope Jesus will just come and take me home, where i wrestle with the ugliness of humanity and this world, but they are no longer dominating my life. thank God for that.
second, in september, i wrote that i wanted to be migraine free by april 2012 after suffering from migraines for the better part of my life. thank god, i have found a solution. they are needle-less imitrex injections that i take when my migraines come on, and they have changed my life. i haven't truly suffered from a migraine for several months now. i can't believe that i'm finally free!
third, i really need to stop planning my own life. i'm terrible at it.
fourth, i am overwhelmed with gratefulness for the church that God has given us. i've always kind of been annoyed by the idea of getting fully invested in one particular church. i think its because i've witnessed people worship church over worshiping God, and i was always so afraid of that happening that i never allowed myself to get involved. we are invested in a church with every single characteristic that i ever hoped for in a church. our pastor is an authentic man of God whose singular goal is to bring the hearts of people to God. every part of his life says that this is true. he has taken the time to invest in Omar and to challenge him to be a better man. he has believed in him and called things out of him that may not have happened without his encouragement. he understands grace and second chances and places integrity as the highest priority in peoples' character. i've never grown more spiritually than i have in this place with these people. we are surrounded by people who are authentically following Jesus and loving others. and its the little things too. our church understands the importance of adoption. although it is only a little more than a year old, we are investing in orphans and widows in our community and abroad. there are multiple families in our church who have adopted children and are so good at parenting them. my best friend's husband is the worship pastor. our friend, vincent, is the guitar player. omar is the children's ministry director and they think its cool that he decorated his office in vintage super hero art. i'm just stoked to be challenged by the sermons, filled by the areas that we get to serve, and brought to the throne of grace each week in worship. i didn't realize what an important role being involved in an authentic church would play in our lives until now.
i really feel like a grown up and its weird and great and i love omar and the other rad people in our life and holy moly we are are so blessed. life is goooood.