Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Not sick of you yet.

My longest relationship before I married Omar was eleven months, and I was in tenth grade.
I dated other guys, but there was always a period of three or four months in the middle of our relationship where I had broken up with them because I was bored, dated someone else, gotten bored, gotten back together with them, only to get bored and break up with them again.
I have the attention span of a gnat, and thought that my life's purpose was be to be a girl who was gifted in perpetually falling in love, but not staying there.
Part of this can be attributed to my ridiculously high expectations, which were humanly impossible to meet for any substantial amount of time, so when I would meet a guy that I liked, I would pursue him relentlessly, manipulate him into falling in love with me, expect him to buy me flowers daily and take me on exotic dates and refrain from doing the slightest thing that would make me uninterested, and break up with him anyway.
It was pathetic, and is a period of my life that I am totally ashamed of. This part of my life left me with a conclusion at nineteen years old: I am never going to have the ability to love someone unconditionally.
I gave alot of credit to my diagnosis of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, and left it at that. I don't know what my plan was, but in the depths of my heart I assumed I would just flutter from honeymoon period to honeymoon period, and bask in the glory of flowers and candy and thoughtful gifts and poems and absolute undying devotion that usually lasted around four months and in the long run left alot of people really messed up, including myself.
Then he happened.
And I dont give him all the credit for tethering my wild heart. In fact, most of the credit is due to the One who created my heart in the first place, guided it through my journey of looking for fulfillment in a million other places, patiently restructured my beliefs about what love is, and brought into my life a man who demanded to be loved unconditionally and who was able to keep my attention.
So, here we are. Almost three years later. Three years that have passed in a blink of an eye, and how was it so easy? I have been reflecting on this alot lately, and have come to very few conclusions. I think its safe to assume that the only way to explain how I have stayed faithfully and completely enamored with this man, is that he is the only man I was created to feel that way towards. That a combination of the way God has worked on my heart, and the exact mixture of the elements of Omars character and the way he playfully and intentionally holds my heart, and is not only the man of all of my wildest dreams, but is truly my very best friend, somehow completes the puzzle and breaks the cycle and naturally just works. I could do this for at least another three, or three thousand, years. Easily.



5 comments:

Rebecca Louise. said...

Your're completely right - your faith plays a huge part. I, also, think that your love story has a huge part to play in it.

You said in the beginning you dated a lot until you got bored and then you moved on. It come across as that it was on your terms lol. I was like that and ashamed of it as well.

However, Omar came along and he REFUSED to get bored of you to the point he was doing anything to keep your tamagotchi pet alive. I think that refusal to let go of him meant you couldn't let go either, so love blossomed.

Beautiful :) x.

Chelsea Robbins said...

I have the attention span of a gnat, and thought that my life's purpose was be to be a girl who was gifted in perpetually falling in love, but not staying there.

love this line.

u guys are really perfect for eachother.

i love you both.

Wife and Mommy said...

So sweet!

Jessica said...

I gave your wonderful self an award!! Go check it out!

autumn said...

I am a lurker here and a newly wed too. This post just resonated, I have been married for almost 9 monthes and dating/engaged/together with my hub for 5 years next month. And, really my mind is blown every time I think about it. Think about how much we have gone through and how tough it felt at the time, and how now it is just a memory that brought us to where we are now. Amazing what God can do to shape two hearts to find and fit with eachother so well. He really is good.