Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Heavy and light
My heart is generally a million places at once. Sometimes my mind can keep up with it, mostly it trails behind. I usually have to take time away from my world to sort out whats going on in my heart. Burdens are heavy, heavy things to carry. Thorns in my flesh, and the thorns in others keep my mind wandering long into the night, usually subconsciously. I am in a pit of despair and on a cloud of joy, and truthfully, I just want this semester to be over. It seems like things that would normally be taken lightly are taken hard, and things that have great importance are overlooked. I feel like im in a whirlwind of obligations and deadlines and dreams, and did I mention that all I can think about is having a little girl? My desire to want to have a baby has gone from practical to mandatory to practical again. Waiting, waiting, and waiting. And pleading with time to slow down too. I need more time, and less time and no watches because I cant even tell time. Did you know that? Most people don't. I suppose that now that im a teacher I should probably TEACH myself how to do that, but we are children of the digital era and I dont have time to waste in the first place. In the meantime, this is called a stream of consciousness, and if you are one of the 2 people that has read my writing since the livejournal and mydiary days, you'll know that im quite fond of these. You just write, and you dont stop, and eventually you get out whatever it is thats weighing you down, and if you are me, thats how you pray too. And also, if you are me, you correct your spelling and grammar errors as you go along, because you are a little bit obsessive compulsive and have very little grace sometimes. Speaking of Grace. Nevermind.