Dear Anne Frank, Thanks.

"And finally I twist my heart round again, so that the bad is on the outside and the good is on the inside, and keep on trying to find a way of becoming what I would so like to be, and could be, if there weren't any other people living in the world."

Living with a bum wife who doesnt listen

poor omar. im really a pain in the ass.

like, really.

like, last night for instance, when he wanted food and i demanded that we go to panda express even though i dont like chinese food at all, but just because there was a jamba juice inside the same place where there is a panda, and then the jamba juice was closed but i demanded that the guy make me a smoothie anyway because i used to make smoothies and really? they arent that hard to make. he made me one. it was strawberry and tasted way too foamy.

anyway, back to the reason im a pain in the ass, he cleaned his side of the room like 3 days ago and mine is still all piled up and im laying in bed and hes at school getting an education and actually contributing to society. im so glad we know Christ. seriously though, without Him we would be a pair of drunken pot-heads with no jobs or money or education and we would probably live off of our parents for the rest of our lives. with Christ, only a third of that is true, and thats great. we dont suck at life entirely.

oh ya, and i dont listen. like, omar will tell me something and then ill be like "umm...thats a really dumb idea" and then five minutes later i'll be like "oh, ya, we should totally do this and that" and he'll be like "umm... i said that like five minutes ago."

sorry if this is completely incoherent.

i've been bringing this up alot lately, but when i was in high school i had a boyfriend who cleaned my room multiple times a week. and then bought me flowers. and made me peanutbutter and jelly sandwiches cut diagonally. and wrote me poems that he typed up in cool fonts and put on my mirror. and brought me breakfast everyday when he picked me up for school. and not just breakfast, like all of my favorite foods and hot chocolate and mix cds too. and carried me everywhere.

and hes dead now (which i put pretty bluntly, but it actually makes me want to throw up everytime i think about it.)

anyway, i have been loved well. abundantly. and i think that he taught me how to be loved, but in ways that were much more tangible than any other person could ever offer, and so now i have this totally rad husband who does everything for me but i dont appreciate it because it seems mediocre? so lame of me. sorry if i sound like a spoiled brat, im really not. but kind of am.

but around here, you dont gotta lie to kick it. moral of the story: omar rocks at life and husbandry. 

Dear Jesus, Thanks.

It happened. 25 people. Leaders, Parents, High school girls who gave up their Saturday night to hang out with us, and kids who laughed and danced and sang and played games and ate pizza and were loved and valued and thats all that matters.

{And to you I lift my voice
And to you I lift my hands
And to you I give my heart...}

Dear Teddy, Thanks.

{Somebody should have made me listen to this song when I was sixteen, I heard it for the first time recently, and it totally moves my heart and jacks me up inside and makes me sit down and chill the bleep out, which is such a good thing.}

 

You 

love to run
into the arms of anyone
take off your shoes and socks and stay a while

you like the adrenaline rush
just a little too much
you go from day to day, hand to mouth
and wonder why you're unsatisfied

cause love is a marathon
that's why you get tired so fast of everyone
slow down and pace yourself
cause when it's good
it's a long open road

you think still
you find a soul behind a thrill
you're just a cat chasing your tail round and round
but if you relax
something might last

cause love is a marathon
that's why you get tired so fast of everyone
slow down and pace yourself
cause when it's good
it's a long open road

you're exausted
always coming down
trying to come up for air
trying to try to act like you just dont care

la da dum dee da da

{chorus }
cause love is a marathon
that's why you get tired so fast of everyone
slow down and pace yourself
cause when it's good
it's a long open road

it's a long long road yeah

-Teddy Geiger

Listen here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=StT-z-yRYVs

Now that I have seen

Once upon a time, I had no idea about people with disabilities, only that they existed in the cracks of life, and that I didn't want to stare at them too long because it would be rude. I had no idea about the power of the love of God, and how His love compels people to do remarkable, world-changing things.

And then I knew. The two collided, and I knew everything I had ever wondered about my purpose and vision for my life and for our world. And, yet I still know nothing. I have no idea what im doing, but im doing it for Him and I think that's all that matters.

Three years ago, I went to Younglife camp for the first time. I was already a Younglife leader, and was excited about being a part of such a dynamic, authentic ministry. I was stoked about meeting high school kids in the midst of their craziness, and providing them with the opportunity to have fullness of life by sharing life with them and telling them how much God loves them and wants a relationship with them.

My Younglife girl, Katie and I hiked up the side of a mountain carrying a rope and a tether that would enable us to fly over the lake on the longest zipline in the country. We raced up the mountain, gasping for breath, excited to step off the edge of a rock and fly through the air into the unknown. And then we stopped in our tracks. At the rock was a man who couldn't have been much older than I was, and a highschool aged boy who couldn't have been much younger than Katie. It was evident that the boy had down syndrome, and was terrified to go down the zipline. The line at the bottom got longer, as the man, the boy's leader, encouraged and prayed for the boy with more passion than I had ever encountered in my 20 year old life. I have no recollection of what was said or how much time passed(at least an hour) and there are not enough words in my vocabulary to describe what took place in my heart on top of that mountain that day, but it changed everything.

When a person has an encounter with the divine, it is a blessing and a curse. The blessing lies in the experience itself, witnessing such a beautiful, God-ordained moment. The curse, though, is an incredible burden wrapped up in a question: now that I have seen this, what do I do?

I didn't know how to answer that question, but I came home and changed my college major to Special Education. My best friend and I met with people and went to trainings and wrote prayer letters, and did everything in our power to start Younglife's ministry for high school kids with disabilities in our area. And nothing happened. We got wrapped up in life, and ministry, oh, and I married my soulmate somewhere along the line, and three years passed and there I was with a wonderful life and marriage and almost finished with my Special Education degree but still wondering what God wanted from my life. And all I could think about was how much I want to use my life to love people with disabilities, people who are often only considered in the cracks of life, but who have immeasurable worth and deserve fullness of life and the love of God in the same way that everyone else does, maybe more.

And that brings us to today. Two days away from having our first Younglife Capernaum Club (ours is called The Roof). I have tears in my eyes as I write that. This is my heart, to spend my life loving, serving, and celebrating life with high school kids with disabilities through the ministry of Younglife. I've gotten to know so many wonderful kids in the last few years through teaching, and my heart is exploding with joy and anxiety and appreciation and hope as God moves through this new adventure.

(Kevin, who eventually went down the zipline/ changed my life)

If you'd like to help us "Raise the Roof" (haha), you can pray for:

-Leaders with serving hearts

-Highschool kids that want to hang out with and love their peers with disabilities

-Kids with disabilities to come and have the time of their lives!

-Parents of kids with disabilities to come alongside us, want their kids involved, experience God's love through their kids' involvement in Capernaum

-Funds to pay for The Roof club details (food, prizes, etc.) and for scholarships for kids to go to camp

-And that our ministry would open the floodgates for all people, especially Christians, to recognize the value and worth in people with disabilities

Dear Miley, Thanks.

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

a knot and a battle.

i finally tied my hair in a knot on the top of my head! just hair! no pins! ive been wanting to do this since i saw it in a book when i was six. and i look like a fish in the picture! today is such an epic day!

in other news, i need to get my priorities straight. and then take those priorities and shuffle them up again so i can make sure that im not wasting my life. im failing beautifully at being a star student at school right now, and its not because i dont care. i just really enjoy procrastinating and have so much on my plate,

exhibit a:

and im trying to find purpose in being present, but how can i be everywhere at once? and how much will the things i spend my time on matter when im dead? i know thats a little grave, but i find myself literally obsessing over little details of life and missing all the big stuff. just been doing a lot of heart searching and asking myself why i do the things i do, and if i come up with any answer but LOVE then i have to find a way to cut it out of my life. period. which is about as much fun as... umm... something that really sucks.

For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it.

What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?

Mark 8:35-36